What If She Doesn't Call Me Back?
Dear
David,
I have been studying your materials for a long time now, and you
definitely know what your talking about. I have a question that I think
you would be able help me with.
12 days ago I went to a local club with some of my friends. I was having
a good time on the upper balcony when I looked down to the main level
and noticed a girl. I decided to muster up some courage and go down and
meet her.
I got down to the main level and stood about 15-20 feet away from her
and got absolutely tongue tied (this doesn't normally happen to me).
haha I must have looked like such a wuss. Anyways after about 5 seconds
of standing their I walked back up to my friends who were observing,
they said sorry to see you strike out. I told them I didn't even get up
to bat. So a few seconds later one of my good friends said give it
another try. So I did, I went down to the main level and walked right up
to her and said "you look bored" she said "yah I am, clubs really aren't
my thing", I was going to bust on her, but I realized that clubs weren't
really my thing either (this was my 3rd time ever at a club and I am
19). So we talked for a bit, I didn't say anything to funny, I just
tried to act as confident as I could. When I got her name, I asked her
to save me a dance. She said sure and she smiled. So I go back up to the
balcony to hang with my friends, and about half an hour later we all
went to the dance floor, most of us just stood there like losers, but oh
well we were having fun. This is when I saw the girl again, she was
smoking. I don't really like smoking but oh well. So I went up to her
and said "hey" she said "hi" back and I told her to put out her
cigarette, she asked me "why", I said "so we can dance". So we danced
for a song or two and then we both decided that it was to noisy in the
main room, so we went into one of the quieter bar rooms and I just acted
calm and cool. At the end of the night, when I went home, she kissed me
and asked me if I would call her. I said "maybe" and kissed her again
and went home.
I called her 2 days later and asked her to a local sports bar right on
the spot. she said sure. So we went and had a great time. I must have
said a lot of funny things cause she laughed a lot. It was great, then
we played mini golf and after the date we went outside. When suddenly I
took her against a wall and kissed her, she told me she was waiting for
me to do that. Then we started making out like crazy against the wall.
It was pretty cool. After this I went home to study for a test the next
day. (I am in university)
I decided that I wanted to be mysterious and be aloof, so I didn't call
her for 5 days. On the 5th day, another group of my friends invited me
to play indoor beach volleyball with them and then go to a party. After
this I had hockey. So I decided to call up her and ask her to go with
me. When I called her, she said she was working on the late shift at her
work and wouldn't be done till 11 but then she would call me. Well
needless to say, she DIDN'T call. Of course I didn't want to act needy
so I didn't call her and ask where she was or anything like that. The
next night that same group asked me to go stargazing with them and the
girls of the group told me that it would be so romantic for me to invite
her out to do that. But I didn't call her. I decided that it was wiser
for me to wait for her to call me back. Well that was 6 days ago and
still no call.
I think it would be awesome if you would analyze my story and tell me
what I did right and what I did wrong. Also if I should call her back or
if I shouldn't, also what any reasons may be that she didn't call me
back. Thanks a lot,
I appreciate it.
K.J.
David D. >>>MY COMMENTS
Well, your story has so many interesting lessons, I don't even know
where to begin. Let's take it from the top, and I'll comment on a few of
the various things that happened with you and this girl. One thing that
immediately caught my attention is the story of how you approached this
girl.
At first, you hesitated, then left. Your friends even said "sorry to see
you strike out"... but one of your friends was smart enough to tell you
to get yourself back down there and talk to her. Then you started the
conversation by saying "You look bored...".
This demonstrates a couple of very important concepts that most guys
don't realize:
1. Don't assume anything until you've talked to a woman and you KNOW
what the result was.
2. Start a conversation, and it's OK to start by saying something normal
like "You look bored".
Most guys get nervous when they see a woman, walk away, then look at her
for as long as she stays within view, kicking themselves for not talking
to her. The opportunity stays open until she's gone (which, by the way,
is usually pretty quickly). But if she's still around, then you still
have the chance to go talk to her... so do it! And saying ANYTHING is
better than saying nothing and letting the opportunity pass. You have
nothing to lose, and everything to gain. It costs a few moments, and the
potential payoff is amazing.
Most men don't approach women because they fear being rejected. But
"rejection" isn't that bad! Most women who REALLY don't want to talk to
you will still be relatively nice...
You did the right thing.
At the end of the night when she asked you to call her and you replied
"maybe" and kissed her you REALLY did the right thing. This is classic
Cocky & Funny teasing with a mixed message. Love it.
Another great thing you did was calling her a couple of days later and
asking her to get together with you RIGHT THEN. I don't mention this
enough, and I'm glad you brought it up. One of the best times to do
something is RIGHT NOW, and a lot of women will respond well to an
invite on the spot. Women also tend to FLAKE OUT LESS when it's in the
moment. They don't have time to come up with excuses or reasons not to
show up. Nice.
Now I'd like to address your question, and comment on what to do if a
woman doesn't call you back...
I believe that women are generally programmed with the following idea:
"Men call women. If I don't call him back, he'll call me."
Most women expect men to call THEM.
And if they don't return a call, they expect the man to call back and
PURSUE them.
Nice, huh?
Well, once you learn how to REALLY dial up the attraction inside of a
woman, you'll find that these rules will go out the window... but
they'll NEVER entirely go away.
I have a principle that I teach in my live seminars. It goes a little
somethin' like this...
"Never let the line go slack."
If you're interested in a woman, there may come a time when she gets
busy, doesn't call you back, blows you off, flakes out, or whatever.
This is the real world, and these things happen. A lot of guys make the
mistake of TAKING THIS PERSONALLY, letting it upset them, and then not
doing ANYTHING to get back on track. Some guys even have a rule: "If she
won't return my phone call, then I don't want to talk to her again."
I think that this is noble, but probably a little bit extreme in this
day and age. If you're interested in seeing a woman again, then a better
idea is to NEVER LET THE LINE GO SLACK. If she starts to drift away,
don't just stand around and let it happen. Do something! In your case,
this girl might have just gotten off of work an hour or two late and
didn't want to call you too late... or maybe she got off late and she
was tired... or whatever. In her mind she's probably thinking "I wonder
why he hasn't called me... maybe he doesn't like me". She probably
thinks that she was being sweet and considerate by not calling you.
If you take the principle of "Never let the line go slack" and apply it
here, you'd probably want to give her a call a day or two later to ask
her to do something again. Use the fact that she didn't call you back as
a theme to tease her. Bust on her and tell her that she now owes you big
time because she flaked out. Get her to beg for forgiveness, then say
"I'll think about it... and while I'm thinking, come over here and give
me a two hour full body massage".
The moral here is to stop expecting women to call you, and start DOING
THE RIGHT THINGS. If you feel like the line is going slack, then pick up
the phone and get things moving again! You know, it's very important to
understand the ATTITUDE that it takes to have consistent success with
women and dating.
Most guys ask me for techniques...
"What do I say if she says that she's busy?"
"What do I say to get her number?"
"How do I get her back to my place?"
...and I don't blame them.
But there's something FAR MORE IMPORTANT that you need to have BEFORE
you get these answers.
If you don't have a deep understanding of the BELIEFS that you need to
have, the ATTITUDE that you need to project, and the BODY LANGUAGE AND
VOICE TONE that you need to use, then the TECHNIQUES aren't going to
work very well for you.
As you probably know by now, I really emphasize that it's a good idea
for you to spend time and focus on your "inner game" just as much or
MORE than you focus on your "outer game".
If you haven't read my online eBook "Double Your Dating" yet, then you
really need to do that. You can download it in minutes and start
learning all of the basic concepts RIGHT NOW. Go here for the details
and to get it:
www.doubleyourdating.com - just follow the 'ebook' link and download
your copy. This book and the three bonuses that come with it are the
starting point for your success with women. Everything you read in these
articles will make more sense once you have read the book.
Talk to you soon,
David D.
We are pleased to offer a collection of essays from David Deangelo, author of "Double Your Dating and several other online books about dating and approaches men should make towards they women they are attracted to.