Sexual Tension
Let
me ask you a quick question. It's a question that MOST men do NOT know
the answer to... It's also a question that most women DO know the answer
to...
The question: "What is SEXUAL TENSION?"
Take a minute and "mentally answer" that question. Think it over if you
have to. I'm not kidding. Think about it. What did you come up with?
To most men, the words "Sexual Tension" are a MYSTERY. They just
don't make sense. Or if they DO make sense, they make sense in a way
that DOESN'T make sense. Make sense? In other words, some guys think
that the words Sexual Tension mean "negative anxiety about sexy" or
something equally unhelpful. But if you go ask a group of WOMEN what the
words mean, you'll get a MUCH different answer.
To a woman, Sexual Tension is the feeling that she feels during those
times when she is interacting with a man that she feels ATTRACTION
for... but she doesn't know exactly what's going to happen. Maybe she
can't tell if he's into her, but the conversation is so good that
something MUST be happening...
Maybe he's making her laugh a little bit "too much", and she's unable to
control her feelings towards him...
Or maybe it's obvious that he's interested, but he's so in control of
himself and the situation that he's not blatantly "making a move"... and
she's on the edge of her seat waiting to know what's going to happen.
These are all possible examples of Sexual Tension.
Now, just because one of these situations is happening doesn't mean that
Sexual Tension is present. But these are the types of situations where
it is MOST LIKELY to be present. With that, let me see if I can take you
behind the scenes, and give you a different perspective. Men and women
have some BIG differences when it comes to ATTRACTION. Men have their
"attraction mechanisms" "triggered" by much different things than women.
For women, things usually begin with a small spark.
Eye contact for a little too long.
A Cocky & Funny comment.
A teasing remark.
It can be anything.
The point is that SOMETHING SPARKS the ATTRACTION.
Then it GROWS over time. It doesn't have to be a lot of time, but it
does usually require time. It might take an evening, or it might take a
date or two... but if a man does all the right things he can AMPLIFY one
these little sparks of attraction into a powerful emotional feeling for
a woman... that is too much for her to resist.
Of course, as we both know, a man can usually feel a sexual attraction
to a woman INSTANTLY. I'm sure you've had a woman smile at you and BOY-OY-OY-OY-ING.
SCHWING.
AWWWWW YAYAHHHHH.
What's worse, we totally don't get how things work for women. So we tend
to do all the WRONG things. And when we do all the WRONG things, women
don't even get the little sparks that can grow into full-blown
ATTRACTION.
WHY TENSION?
So let's talk about Sexual Tension... Why "Tension"? Most people don't
like the idea of "tension". It's uncomfortable. It usually means
confrontation or dealing with someone who's mad at you or who doesn't
like you. Tension is seen as a NEGATIVE by most people. And when most
men feel ANY type of tension around a woman, they make a HUGE mistake...
THEY RELEASE THE TENSION.
Because most guys are so caught up in the "tension is bad" way of
thinking, they DESTROY all of the great Sexual Tension that arises in
the situations they find themselves in with women. It's a total bummer.
So the first thing I'm going to ask you to do, for the purposes of
understanding this concept, is to put your ideas of what tension is and
how it works behind you. Open your mind to a new way of thinking.
Become OK with the idea of CREATING TENSION when you're around women
that you feel an
attraction for... and even AMPLIFYING that tension. And realize that if
you can do this, women will LOVE you for it.
Women, and especially ATTRACTIVE women who are approached all the time
by loser guys, don't enjoy dating guys who are boring, predictable, and
lame. They love guys who are unpredictable, mysterious, and CHALLENGING.
They love guys who keep them guessing what's going to happen next. And
they love guys who can keep the TENSION BUILDING, and NOT LET UP.
HOW TO DO IT
So here are a few ideas for "sparking" that initial tension that I'm
talking about...
1) TEASE.
If you want to INSTANTLY change the way a hot, stuck-up woman is
behaving, TEASE HER
about something. Now, not all beautiful women are stuck up.
Duh.
But teasing works PARTICULARLY well when a woman IS stuck up... lol.
Maybe it's her big purse.
Or her tall shoes.
Or her "runway model" walk.
Whatever.
Just tease her.
Say "Hey, what's with the big purse? You're not one of those women with
a live dog named "Precious" in there, along with organic vegan
high-protein treats for when she's in the mood to be pampered, are you?"
It doesn't matter. Just say something to tease her. Oh, and it's usually
better if you can do this with a STRAIGHT FACE. This creates even MORE
tension. If you MUST smile, make sure it's the "I'm only smiling because
I know that you can't believe how confident I am that you love me"
kind.
2) EYE CONTACT
When a man and a woman make eye contact for the FIRST TIME, it's USUALLY
the man who looks away first. Men are WUSSIES when it comes to doing
things that say "I'm a strong, confident person". Looking away when you
make eye contact with a woman is one of those things. BIG TIME. Instead,
if you HOLD the eye contact until SHE looks away (and you don't fidget
or twitch like you've got some strange bug crawling up your shirt), it
will send a strong signal. Oh, and it has a good chance of "sparking"
this attraction that we're talking about.
3) ROLL PLAY
Often an opportunity will come up when you're meeting a woman to
instantly shift into a "roll play". Maybe she mentions that she's
getting a new job. Tell her that you sure hope it pays well, because
she's going to have to support both of you...
And then tell her that you hope she has enough energy to cook at night
after work, because you need a wife who can bring home the bacon, AND
fry it up in a pan...
Then tell her that something she just said screwed it all up for you,
and that you're probably going to wind up divorcing her a week after you
get married... and taking half of HER money. Roll-playing is fun, and if
it's done right it can REALLY spark this tension that we're talking
about.
The point is that you have to SPARK it. YOU must lead the way, and YOU
must do something to create that little moment where things transition
into "we're playing like adults". Women feel this, and respond to it
INSTANTLY.
TURNING UP THE TENSION
Now, once you've sparked this tension and engaged her into an
interesting banter, it's time to DIAL UP THE TENSION. That's right, I
said CREATE MORE TENSION.
Let's say that you were talking to her about making a lot of money so
she can support you, and she answered with "Well, I can support you, but
you're going to have to do all the housework, dishes, and take care of
the kids". Most guys would be thinking to themselves "Cool, she's having
fun with me, I'll say something to make her like me now". So they'd say
"OK, I can do that" or something equally dumb-assed.
This is the place to TURN IT UP. Say "Oh no you don't. I'm the man here.
I get to lay around all day watching T.V., then go out with my friends
when you get home". Reversing gender stereotypes like this, and teasing
is all kinds of fun. At this point the woman might open her mouth with
the "Oh no you didn't just say that" look.
Of course, you should look back at her, raise your eyebrows, and slowly
nod your head, as if to imply "Oh yes, you're going to support me".
This is just one example. Here are a few more, just so you really "get"
what it is that I'm saying.
1) DON'T take advantage of something.
Let's say that the woman you're talking to is wearing a sexy outfit. She
gets up and walks across the room to get something. She KNOWS that
you're going to be looking at her.
BUT YOU DON'T.
When she turns around to come back, you're looking down at your shoes,
and commenting about what great taste you have.
THIS IS SUBTLE, BUT POWERFUL.
Not taking advantage of a look, a touch, a kiss, etc. when it's
available DIALS UP the Sexual Tension.
2) Push her away.
Let's say that you have your first kiss. PUSH HER AWAY gently just
before the kiss "should" be finished. Shake your head. Say "you're
trouble".
TENSION BUILDS.
3) End interactions first.
If you're talking to her on the phone, and you're both enjoying the
conversation, say "OK, I've got things to do. See ya."
This is MAGIC.
Not only are you ending a great conversation when it was on an UP note,
but you're also not trying to get anything from her. Most guys cling and
stay on the phone forever, then ask for a date or if they can call
later.
DON'T DO IT.
Just get off the phone. If it's the end of the date, leave just a little
bit too soon. The point is to create TENSION in the moment.
EVERYDAY SITUATIONS
In just about every situation there is an opportunity to TURN UP THE
TENSION. When you do this, you create a very special emotion for women.
It's that combination of her laughing, her not knowing what's going to
come next, and you not acting like a WUSSY...
It's that special curiosity that is aroused inside of a woman when she
doesn't know what's going to happen... but she WANTS to know... It's
that magical moment when it's obvious that most guys would start acting
like CLINGY WUSSBAGS, and you're just leaning back as if you've got all
the time in the world... and you need nothing.
These things spark and amplify Sexual Tension. And they INSTANTLY
communicate to women that you understand something that most men DON'T.
Now, of course this isn't a simple topic.
There's a lot more to it.
In fact, one of the most important factors in creating sexual tension is
your ability to not act needy... which has more to do with your self
image and overcoming your insecurities than it does with your
"behaviors" alone. As you probably know, I believe that it's as
important to work on your "Inner Game" as it is to work on our "Outer
Game". It's as important to learn how to change how you think and feel
as it is to learn the words and actions. You must start on the INSIDE,
and work your way OUTSIDE.
You can have the 100 best pick up lines ever created memorized
word-for-word, but if you care too much what women think of you, then
THEY WON'T WORK WORTH A DAMN. In fact, almost NOTHING WILL WORK if you
don't have your Inner Game together.
One of the things that really separates my more advanced training
materials from others is that I spend a LOT of time teaching you how to
overcome your insecurities, improve your self image, see things from a
better angle, and really work through those "inner" things that are
holding you back.
It's THAT IMPORTANT.
Really.
I mean, you'll probably go through the whole thing MANY times, and
you'll hear a TON of new things each time... but the very first time
will change you for good.
Have you read my original online eBook "Double Your Dating"? It's
literally jam packed with great techniques for meeting women... and you
can go download it RIGHT NOW and be reading it in a FEW MINUTES. It's
here:
www.doubleyourdating.com - just follow the 'ebook' link and download
your copy. This book and the three bonuses that come with it are the
starting point for your success with women. Everything you read in these
articles will make more sense once you have read the book.
...and read it, learn it, and use it.
Talk to you soon,
David D.